Storms....The Perfect Storm

Storms....The Perfect Storm

I never understood joy, unspeakable joy, until my baby had open heart surgery and I saw his eyes open for the first time after surgery.
I never understood trust, unwavering trust in God, until I handed my baby over to his anesthesiologist.
I never understood faith, unshakeable faith, until I waited hours to know if my baby would be alive the next time I saw him.
I never understood strength, immeasurable strength only God could provide, until I saw my husband in these situations.

God knew we needed some things to happen over the last decade, to prepare our hearts for the lessons He would teach us.  He laid the foundation and began to build the home of His "Grace" in our hearts. He laid that foundation in the middle of our storms.  In the very moments we would ask "why us?", "Why now?" and "what are you doing, God?", He was laying a foundation for much greater storms.  The Perfect Storm, I suppose you could say.

It took those nights of crying each month,  year after year, over negative pregnancy tests. That laid a brick of patience.
It took hearing the words "we're sorry" at ultrasounds one year apart.  Losing not one but two babies one year apart. That laid a brick of "He's in control".
It took 13 weeks of bedrest. That laid a brick of trust.
It took hearing the words "I'm sorry but if you don't take these steps to protect your baby from germs He WILL die. A simple stomach bug or cold WILL kill him" That laid a brick of hope.

There are so many times in life that we can only see the storm clouds....can only hear the pounding thunder.....can only feel the strong wind almost blowing us down...and can only think about the destruction the storm is causing or has the potential to cause. 

I'm reminded tonight, no matter the storm in life, no matter the effects, God's plan is bigger.  He has the ability to calm the storm.  He has the ability to hold us up when we feel like we just can't hold it together one more second.  When we feel like if one more strong wind comes with this storm, "I'm going to come unraveled", He puts his arms around us and gives us rest to withstand. 

That foundation and those "storms" created an unshakeable faith, an ability to understand the true meaning of joy, an unwavering trust in my God, and an immeasurable strength in my marriage.

Trust that no matter what God takes you through, He's laying a foundation.  He's preparing your heart.  He may have a Perfect Storm He's preparing you for.  My advice is tie a knot in the rope and hang on. Trust Him!  He can provide calm in a storm that feels like it's going to break you.  He can provide peace that passes all understanding.  He can provide an inner peace that screams "It is well with my soul" no matter what remains when the winds die down and the sun begins to shine.

Disclaimer: I didn't see those storms as bricks of foundation being laid at the time. I didn't always have the best attitude.  Some days I had 2-year old meltdowns on the floor in a puddle of tears.  Some days I just repeated "He will give me strength" over and over just to take another step in my day.  Some days I would fall on my knees in my work bathroom in tears praying for a miracle during what I knew was a loss.  Some days I rocked my baby and took every last second and tucked it deep in my heart just in case. I wrote this post to remind myself during any future storms, the outcome is beautiful.  TRUST. LOVE. HOLD ON.

The Waiting Room......

The Waiting Room......

This morning as I thought about our journey to Lukas' mended heart, I thought about the waiting room at Batson Children's Hospital's PCICU.  That waiting room will always take my breath away.  Why?  Because that waiting room holds so many memories. There's the memory of waiting for the phone call that they started Lukas' surgery....the memory of waiting for the call that surgery was going well.....the memory of surgery is complete.....the memory of talking to the ever-so-tall Dr who gave us the amazing news that surgery was a success and our son now had a healthy mended heart....then the memory of recovering and the days it brought...some good, some not.

That waiting room also brought memories of others and their journey.  There were numerous moms waiting for their newborns to recover from RSV.  A mom and dad overcome with grief for a child who had been in an ATV accident.  A mom like myself waiting to see her son who also had open heart surgery the same day.  Everyone was there for different reasons, but we all shared the same struggle. That struggle was not knowing what the next minute would hold.

I didn't know WHAT the next minute would hold, but I knew WHO held the next minute.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that whatever the next moment held, God was in control and He would never leave us or forsake us. 

Reflecting on that room this morning, got me to thinking about life in general.  Just like that waiting room's emotions, our life contains the same emotions.  Sadness. Fear. Shock. Helplessness. Peace.  Thankfulness. Joy.

In life we have moments that bring us to our knees.  We are fearful, sad, and just feel helpless in some situations.  Then there are some moments that also bring us to our knees, because we feel thankful, joyful and have a peace that passes all understanding. 

I've had those moments.  Had one this morning in fact.  Thinking about some things in life in general, I had some fear and felt a little helpless in the situation.  Then as quickly as that moment came, one of the desires of my heart came walking over.  Lukas walked over to me and smiled and climbed up in my lap and looked so seriously in my eyes almost like he was looking at my soul and heart. Then it happened, he smiled the biggest smile ever and said "Mama!".  I felt like he was reminding me that whatever I was thinking about was silly.  See he's my reminder sometimes, that when life feels overwhelming, it's okay.  It is overwhelming for us, but God can handle it!  And as quickly as I felt that fear and helpless feeling it was replaced with joy, thankfulness and peace. 

Some of those waiting rooms in life are hard. But when you are sitting in one of life's waiting rooms that contain fear, sadness, shock etc please remember JOY, PEACE and so much more are just a moment away.  There is ONE who can replace those with unspeakable JOY and PEACE.

1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Mark 4:39  He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm