Storms....The Perfect Storm
I never understood joy, unspeakable joy, until my baby had open heart surgery and I saw his eyes open for the first time after surgery.
I never understood trust, unwavering trust in God, until I handed my baby over to his anesthesiologist.
I never understood faith, unshakeable faith, until I waited hours to know if my baby would be alive the next time I saw him.
I never understood strength, immeasurable strength only God could provide, until I saw my husband in these situations.
God knew we needed some things to happen over the last decade, to prepare our hearts for the lessons He would teach us. He laid the foundation and began to build the home of His "Grace" in our hearts. He laid that foundation in the middle of our storms. In the very moments we would ask "why us?", "Why now?" and "what are you doing, God?", He was laying a foundation for much greater storms. The Perfect Storm, I suppose you could say.
It took those nights of crying each month, year after year, over negative pregnancy tests. That laid a brick of patience.
It took hearing the words "we're sorry" at ultrasounds one year apart. Losing not one but two babies one year apart. That laid a brick of "He's in control".
It took 13 weeks of bedrest. That laid a brick of trust.
It took hearing the words "I'm sorry but if you don't take these steps to protect your baby from germs He WILL die. A simple stomach bug or cold WILL kill him" That laid a brick of hope.
There are so many times in life that we can only see the storm clouds....can only hear the pounding thunder.....can only feel the strong wind almost blowing us down...and can only think about the destruction the storm is causing or has the potential to cause.
I'm reminded tonight, no matter the storm in life, no matter the effects, God's plan is bigger. He has the ability to calm the storm. He has the ability to hold us up when we feel like we just can't hold it together one more second. When we feel like if one more strong wind comes with this storm, "I'm going to come unraveled", He puts his arms around us and gives us rest to withstand.
That foundation and those "storms" created an unshakeable faith, an ability to understand the true meaning of joy, an unwavering trust in my God, and an immeasurable strength in my marriage.
Trust that no matter what God takes you through, He's laying a foundation. He's preparing your heart. He may have a Perfect Storm He's preparing you for. My advice is tie a knot in the rope and hang on. Trust Him! He can provide calm in a storm that feels like it's going to break you. He can provide peace that passes all understanding. He can provide an inner peace that screams "It is well with my soul" no matter what remains when the winds die down and the sun begins to shine.
Disclaimer: I didn't see those storms as bricks of foundation being laid at the time. I didn't always have the best attitude. Some days I had 2-year old meltdowns on the floor in a puddle of tears. Some days I just repeated "He will give me strength" over and over just to take another step in my day. Some days I would fall on my knees in my work bathroom in tears praying for a miracle during what I knew was a loss. Some days I rocked my baby and took every last second and tucked it deep in my heart just in case. I wrote this post to remind myself during any future storms, the outcome is beautiful. TRUST. LOVE. HOLD ON.